1. My husband’s name is Mickey (like the mouse & that great 80’s song). We named our children Kharis (Greek for grace) and Kai (Hawaiian for ocean). Kharis will be stuck spelling her name and having it mispronounced for life. And Kai’s namesake is Kai Otton (this guy):
Because Mickey is a long-time wanna-be surfer.
Their grandparents would have probably preferred names like Sophia and Jackson (the top names in 2014), but Gary & Carol and Tim & Toni have recovered and seem to like their grandchildren just fine now – in spite of their non-traditional names.
My point is…it’s not like we’re superior naming experts.
2. This article includes some names that sound like they come from a variety of cultures. It is important to remember that naming stereotypes are narrow-minded. I know a blonde, blue-eyed Pablo and a statuesque, blonde, blue-eyed Dr. Takayasu.
3. While people are traditionally more conservative with naming boys, male and female names (like Male (Ma-ley) and Female (Fe-ma-ley)) are as equal-ly represented as possible.
KEY POINT: This is equal opportunity humor.
When Gwenyth Paltrow named her daughter Apple, I was appal-led. But it wouldn’t flip my fruit basket to meet a little Apple now. I respect a parent’s right to name the fruit of their loins – even if that name is Fruit D’loin.
Despite the increasing acceptance of odd/unusual names, I think we can all agree that some names will make a kid’s life harder than others. Healthcare providers encounter a variety of unique and original names (including Younique and O’Reginal). And we sometimes swap name stories (in a totally HIPAA compliant kind of way).
What follows are examples of naming trends (by category) that are sure to raise some eyebrows, and elicit innumerable, “How do you say that?’s”
Respectively, these are the medical terms for bloody poop, post-partum vaginal bleeding, and the fungus that causes a yeast infection. I genuinely get that these names sound cool, but honestly, how would you like being named after bloody poop?
- Champagne/Chardonnay/Chianti/Jack Daniel
- Mari Juana/Cokane/Extacy/Lucy Skye
These are actual, real names. But, contrary to popular belief, these names are not a life sentence. In Freakonomics, Steven Levitt relays the story of Winner Lane and Loser Laner (real-life brothers). Loser went by “Lou” and went on to graduate from college and join the NYPD. Winner, well, he became what you call ‘a real winner’ (and a convict).
I can’t tell you how many times Ob/Gyn’s have heard their patients explain that Nevaeh is “heaven” spelled backwards. The backwards trend is continuing:
Respectively heart, money, and summer. People are also doing this with parent names (James/Semaj) and commonly with twins (Aidan/Nadia, Axel/Lexa, Arik/Kira). Mickey and I get Yekcim and Nitsirk. This naming method is not universally successful.
Babies are the perfect blend of their parents so it makes sense for parents to combine their names into a perfect new moniker.
These are good names. They are blends of Mary & Joseph, Eric & Ellen, and Mark & Jessica respectively. But this naming strategy also doesn’t work for everyone. Mickey and I get Mictin and Krickey. Not so good.
These names sound lovely, but they are bound to make people wonder if your child was conceived in a car.
As some of you know, I suffer from a chronic illness called “overshareatosis.” The original version of this post included what our children would be named if they had been named for where they were conceived. Mickey does not have the same ailment I do and he nixed it early in the editing process. He looked at me and said,
So… on to the next category!
These names are respectively pronounced:
La-dash-a/Ta-dash-a/Ja-dash-a, Four-s-t (Forest), Har-money, Noelle (No “L”), and AB-ci-dee. I do admire the cre8tivity.
Most of us will meet a Jasmine, Merida, Ariel, or Tatiana. Fewer of us will meet a:
- Pocahontas or
- Snow White
But they’re out there. I met a Snow White. Her last name had like six syllables. So it’s good her first name is easy to say.
Names with Unfortunate Other Pronunciations:
- La’dynasty (spells “lady nasty” without the apostrophe)
- Theone (pronouned thie-on, spells “the one”)
- La’stone (“last one” without the apostrophe)
- Shames (looks like the tail between your legs kind but is intended to be pronounced like Seamus)
Names that sound like other words/expressions:
- Jack Goff (a famous race car driver)
- Mike Litoris (a real guy apparently)
You get the idea. Stephen Colbert (my favorite comedian) rarely broke character, but he couldn’t hold it together with names like the ones in these two clips. They are not real, but they are certainly laugh-worthy! Clips like this remind me how much I love people (and names). Enjoy!
PS – The second Colbert clip is sideways because that is the only version on youtube.
PPS – Welcome back to our DVR Stephen. We missed you!
PPPS – Who else wants more kids just so you can name them?! We would have added Neve or Dash. Still a little sad we’ll never meet him/her. You can read about that here.
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